When moments are plentiful but words are few, silence falls and the mind rushes with severe force.
It is said up here that this is the year of the dragonfly. When we first arrived in North Dakota, they swarmed the air around us rejoicing and welcoming the change that was just beginning. How perfectly fitting. The dragonfly symbolizes change. The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.
The realization of the massive amount of change that is just beginning to unfold and the beauty of the meaning that stands behind such a magnificent creature is striking me with such force but also with such grace. It's those little moments in life where God reaches down and gently sweeps the hair out your face with a breeze and then engulfs every inch of you in a gust so powerful, you find yourself reaching for something to grab hold of.
Sometimes all you need is to be embraced by something.
When I was a little girl, (I openly admit that even in my adult life, given the opportunity, you would still find me doing the same), I loved to lay down on the ocean shore and wait for the waves to wash over me. The water was so cold but there was something indescribably comforting about that 5 seconds of cold, dirty, salty sweetness that would wash over me. Completely engulfed in a powerful wave of rushing water, I would jump up and brush the sand and salt from my mouth invigorated and anxiously await the next.
That description is as pure as I will ever get to the dictation of how this summer has been for me thus far. Never before have I been so challenged; so freed; for lack of better words, so torn.
Kelly and I made the decision to uproot our family and replant ourselves in a completely new environment to all three of us. We felt the need to take action and change our way of thinking. We had always been so comfortable with where we were, yet still struggling financially which pushes way into every inch of our lives. The topic of conversation often drifted towards moving and starting fresh but was always quieted with hesitation and the idea that there will always be tomorrow. But will there be?
The opportunity arose and here we are. Hundreds of miles away from each other, Amaias and I find ourselves being blessed by the companionship and generosity of Kelly's parents Kelly embracing what I long for, the comfort and companionship of my family. All three of us being embraced by grace.
This summer has changed me. I have been forced to come to the realization that alone, I am nothing. But when I fall back on the knowledge and understanding that I am part of something so much bigger than myself and far bigger than my own pride and insecurities, I am able to embrace this change that has embraced me. But more importantly, I have accepted and welcomed it. For without it, we would be spinning ourselves into a hole of repetition. We would break down from humdrum movement. Our brains would grow stagnant. Our lives would not be enriched by the blessings of new life and transformations of life and we would have no life!
Every day and every night without my husband by my side, without my family here, I am reminded that most change is uncomfortable and often painful. Do I like the change that hurts? No. Does my heart ache for what once was? Yah, you betchya, (I was born for North Dakota). But with every leap forward, I find myself thirsting for what terrifies me. I thirst for change. I long for new relationships; new beginnings; strengthening of what already is.
If only my child like faith would step in, in place of my fearful nature. Maybe my baby steps will grow into such a faith. The kind of faith that can move mountains.
Quite a year this has already been for so many of you reading this as well. As I walk through this valley myself, I remember you as well. And with every breath you and I take, know that we are remembered by someone far bigger and greater than we could ever imagine.
Be embraced by this season of life. Be thankful for the memories we have and long for what was. Live, laugh, love.
I tip my mosquito bites to whatever is to come and I raise my head of humidity hair and will carry on with strength and courage, enriched with the knowledge that this piece fits perfectly in my life's puzzle.
Life is a dance. Learn to move.
