Patio ramblings...

Have you ever smelled a lilac? I mean really taken the time to stop and smell them. Their aroma is intoxicating. Sweet and subtle. My neighbors a few houses down the ally have a few beautiful full lilac bushes and when the sun and wind hit them just right, it almost takes my breath away.

Amaias is currently napping, Barley Biscuit is chilling on the patio with me and I am enjoying the warmth of the sun along with the complimenting breeze. The only thing that could make this moment a little brighter would be some company! But you can't come over. My house is a mess and I don't want to do anything about it. I just want to sit out here and enjoy the beauty that God has bestowed on me.

So, here I sit under our patio umbrella, trying not to get too much more sun. I over did it on Sunday. Just picture over done bacon. Or a leaf shriveled up by the sun. Or maybe a tomato in a boiling pot of water? I'm pretty darn close to all of the above. My skin must have shrunk a few sizes at least. It'd be nice if it were that way around the waistline but I don't think that is very feasible. What I have is the ultimate "Mom Sunburn". No joke. Let me explain...

On Sunday morning, we decided to venture out on our Sunday ritual walk. Our 5 mile or more walk. We left late morning while it was still a little cool out. I drenched Amaias in sunblock, loaded him in the jogger and we all headed out. We walked and walked. Pretty soon the sun was directly over head, beating down hard. I just didn't realize how hard until we returned home about two and a half or three hours later. Let me paint a picture for you. Stand up and position yourself as if you were pushing a stroller. Your arms should just about be at a 90 degree angle. Now, if the sun were directly over head, that would mean that your shoulders, neck and forearms would be exposed but your arm above your elbow is shadowed. SO, not only are just my shoulders and forearms scorched, I have nice white hand prints on my arms from where I wiped Amaias' left over sunscreen. There you have it. The ultimate Mom sunburn. I shall wear it like a badge of honor. A heavy, burning badge of honor.

Well, the dog has decided to go meet the trash-men and I suppose I should reel him back in.

I pray your day is full of a whimsical beauty. Wish you were here basking along with Barley and I.

Finally some time to myself. These moments are few and far between which makes them absolutely beautiful. My fingers are allowed to wander into parts of my heart I generally keep under lock and key.

Right now, my thoughts are fragrant. So much on my mind; on my heart. Where to begin.

After pulling an all-nighter and witnessing Amaias in his 4:30 AM "bounce-a-thon" I have found myself worn; blessed, but still worn. I have a load of laundry in the washer and the dryer, a load running in the dishwasher, a baby down for a nap, everyone has been fed and here I sit at 1:30 PM in my pjs. But it's ok to take a break, isn't it? I mean, I know I have responsibilities but I am learning that I need a break. My mind craves these quiet times. 

So, here is where I am at. My world has been some-what overwhelming lately. I've been in a funk and not the funky funk. Not that get down and boogy funk. It's the funk that smells; the kind you step in and you smell it for weeks. Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.  

Years ago I had a dream and lately it's really been heavy on my mind. In my dream I saw a farmers hands. I remember watching as he worked his soil over and over and over. There was pain. I don't know where it came from but I remember the sensation of pain. When I awoke, the one word that stuck in my mind was "Cultivate". I don't know much about farming but I do know that this is a very vigorous task. It takes place to break up the dry, hard soil in preparation for new growth. Much labor and care go into this refining process.

I feel it. I feel the pressure and the digging and the churning. When the baby wakes up screaming or when I ruin the nice dinner I was trying so hard to bless my husband with and when laundry is screaming for me, when I write last months date on all of the coffee bags I dated, when one of our vehicles breaks down and we are left with one car...I feel it.

It's painful when being broken but necessary in order to grow. Let me say it again, if not for your

benefit then for my own. It's painful when being broken but necessary in order to grow. And you know what the most frustrating thing is? This isn't an over-night cure. And it's not a one time cure. This is something I have to remind myself of. Farmers are continuously working their fields over. Continuously digging, and sowing. If they don't, their field become dry and lifeless.

I guess that's how I've felt lately. Spiritually dry and lifeless. You reap what you sow and I have done no sowing leaving me with what feels like nothing. I have invested all of my time, effort and energy in everything but my Abba. It's so easy to do yet somehow it's the hardest way to do it. 

So, here I am. I'm ready to live again. Cultivate, refine, cleanse, purify. Call it what you will. Break this soil and bring new life.

And there it is. The cool water saturating everything within. Washing me. Refreshing my mind, body and spirit.