Embraced.

When moments are plentiful but words are few, silence falls and the mind rushes with severe force.

It is said up here that this is the year of the dragonfly. When we first arrived in North Dakota, they swarmed the air around us rejoicing and welcoming the change that was just beginning. How perfectly fitting. The dragonfly symbolizes change. The dragonfly, in almost every part of the world symbolizes change and change in the perspective of self realization; and the kind of change that has its source in mental and emotional maturity and the understanding of the deeper meaning of life.

The realization of the massive amount of change that is just beginning to unfold and the beauty of the meaning that stands behind such a magnificent creature is striking me with such force but also with such grace. It's those little moments in life where God reaches down and gently sweeps the hair out your face with a breeze and then engulfs every inch of you in a gust so powerful, you find yourself reaching for something to grab hold of.

Sometimes all you need is to be embraced by something.

When I was a little girl, (I openly admit that even in my adult life, given the opportunity, you would still find me doing the same), I loved to lay down on the ocean shore and wait for the waves to wash over me. The water was so cold but there was something indescribably comforting about that 5 seconds of cold, dirty, salty sweetness that would wash over me. Completely engulfed in a powerful wave of rushing water, I would jump up and brush the sand and salt from my mouth invigorated and anxiously await the next.

That description is as pure as I will ever get to the dictation of how this summer has been for me thus far. Never before have I been so challenged; so freed; for lack of better words, so torn.

Kelly and I made the decision to uproot our family and replant ourselves in a completely new environment to all three of us. We felt the need to take action and change our way of thinking. We had always been so comfortable with where we were, yet still struggling financially which pushes way into every inch of our lives. The topic of conversation often drifted towards moving and starting fresh but was always quieted with hesitation and the idea that there will always be tomorrow. But will there be?


The opportunity arose and here we are. Hundreds of miles away from each other, Amaias and I find ourselves being blessed by the companionship and generosity of Kelly's parents  Kelly embracing what I long for, the comfort and companionship of my family. All three of us being embraced by grace.


This summer has changed me. I have been forced to come to the realization that alone, I am nothing. But when I fall back on the knowledge and understanding that I am part of something so much bigger than myself and far bigger than my own pride and insecurities, I am able to embrace this change that has embraced me.  But more importantly, I have accepted and welcomed it. For without it, we would be spinning ourselves into a hole of repetition. We would break down from humdrum movement. Our brains would grow stagnant. Our lives would not be enriched by the blessings of new life and transformations of life and we would have no life!

Every day and every night without my husband by my side, without my family here, I am reminded that most change is uncomfortable and often painful. Do I like the change that hurts? No. Does my heart ache for what once was? Yah, you betchya, (I was born for North Dakota). But with every leap forward, I find myself thirsting for what terrifies me. I thirst for change. I long for new relationships; new beginnings; strengthening of what already is.

If only my child like faith would step in, in place of my fearful nature. Maybe my baby steps will grow into such a faith. The kind of faith that can move mountains.

Quite a year this has already been for so many of you reading this as well. As I walk through this valley myself, I remember you as well. And with every breath you and I take, know that we are remembered by someone far bigger and greater than we could ever imagine.

Be embraced by this season of life. Be thankful for the memories we have and long for what was. Live, laugh, love.

I tip my mosquito bites to whatever is to come and I raise my head of humidity hair and will carry on with strength and courage, enriched with the knowledge that this piece fits perfectly in my life's puzzle.

Life is a dance. Learn to move.

Such a short note.

Alive and well. Can't sleep. Can't write. Just thought I'd check in :)

I have about 4 or 5 blog posts started that I never can find the time to finish. Maybe next week?

Let me summarize them:

1. In North Dakota. Enjoying the slower pace. Not enjoying the muggy heat.
2. Excited to see my husband in 4 days for the weekend. Not so excited that I'll be without him AND my baby for the week.
3. Enjoying my new job. It's just so different. I miss working and interacting with people.
4. Missing being a stay-at-home mom. Really really really missing my baby. I spend 5 hours at the most with him each day. A little heart broken over that.

Thanks for all of your encouragement, dear friends! You are so dear to my heart.

I'll make you a list

Well, I obviously am not very consistent on here and I feel as if I should try and redeem myself by justifying the lack of my presence. I will do so in a manner that I feel works best for me. I am a list maker through and through. I get grief for it regularly. I've been told that eventually I will end up like Frank Allen in Chaos Theory. And while I plan on continuing in my ways, I sure hope the end result is a much happier, organized one.

Let the list blog commence.

1. I now have a 20 month old son. I feel like this point is self explanatory if you have children. But for those that do not, I will elaborate. Have you ever had a puppy? They chew on things, everything goes into their mouths, their energy level is out of this world, they eat nonstop, they poop...allot and they retaliate discipline with goofy grins and innocent arrogance. But most importantly, they change and they grow so fast that you find it difficult to spend time away from them. An immeasurable bond is formed between the two of you. Do you understand the words that are coming out of my mouth fingers keyboard? My son is consuming and I wouldn't have it any other way. Latest and greatests would include but by no means limited to:

• Running sideways
• Running around the house with arms extended behind him in Superman fashion
• Climbing everything and jumping across from one furniture pice to the next
• Cuddling!! I never thought the day would come where he would want to be stationary for more than a minute
• He has been healthy (except for a couple of days with a runny nose) since my last post. Praise the Lord for a divine encounter with that wonderful doctor and for healing. He has gained 4 pounds in the last month and is back on track!
• He loves sticks and pine cones. I foresee many camping trips in the future.
• He spits
• He hits just so he can give you a hug to say sorry. Not sure how I feel about that one. 

 

2. I have not forgotten about about our healthy living changes! Since my last post we have experimented with homemade deodorant and have been buying only organic fruit. Here are my findings thus far:

• Home made deodorant is so easy to make!! All you need are a few ingredients. An old empty deodorant stick washed out, coconut oil, baking soda, cornstarch and a couple different essential oils. I'll be posting pictures and directions in my next post. I promise it will be soon :)
• Pros and cons: super cheap, aluminum free (extremely important as aluminum has been linked to breast cancer as armpits are so close the the chest. P.S. this goes for men as well as women!), you get to customize your scent, BUT do note that it is important to keep it in a cool place as it will melt down and not hold it's form in heat (keeping it in the fridge is a good idea). If you do not let it settle before using it, it could crumble on your underarms as you apply it. 
• I am currently opting for the easier less messier route. I am using the mineral salt stone. I picked it up at Sunflower Market for $2.99 and can last up to a year. It is a square, clear stone that you wet before rubbing it in your pit. Sounds strange but it is a great alternative. Be careful if you do opt for this route as many mineral deodorants contain aluminum. Read your labels! I love the natural feel it leaves. You don't feel like you are coated in grease and it has no aroma. The only thing I have noticed is that I need to apply it two times a day on the warmer days. Not that I have noticed a smell, but I just felt a little more comfortable with the idea :).

• Organic fruit tastes so much better! It is so true!! Downside is that it doesn't last as long so avoid over buying unless you know you will go through it fairly quickly. (freezing fruit is also an option. Makes for great fruit smoothies when certain fruits are out of season too)

3.  We are moving to Williston, North Dakota and it is just starting to feel like it's actually happening. Good thing as my new job starts in 13 days! We have 8 days left to pack up everything and hit the road. I am so anxiousnervousexcitedscaredhappysad. There is no other way to describe it. In 28 years, the longest I have ever lived away from my family was 2 months while I stayed in Oregon with my grandparents. In 12 years, I have lived in the same city which I did not grow up in but I still know it as home. I have met some of the worlds best friends here. I have been blessed to have been able to stay home with my son for the first 20 months of his life. Something not everyone has the opportunity to do. My heart breaks knowing that is about to change. But I am still blessed! The core of this move is financially related. While we are not that far in, we are ready to be a debt free family. We are ready to be ahead instead of continuously trying to catch up. We want stability. And frankly, why not do something drastic while we are both still young *ahem* younger. I know the desires of our hearts will be met. I also know that we have to work for what we want. I am working full time until we are debt free. I have been blessed with a job opportunity working for a very large company that starts at a very decent wage. I have been blessed with an amazing supportive family that I am so sad to leave. I am so grateful for the time I have had here with them and for the time they were able to spend with Amaias. I am so excited to see where we all end up in the next chapter. This chapter has been quite the page turner for all of us and I am beyond grateful we were able to live it together. My heart is saddened but I know this is just the beginning of something new. I have been blessed with a job that I am saddened to leave. It started as a job and ended as a family. I have made some everlasting friendships. I believe I am a better person today because of them. I have been blessed with a beautiful array of friendships that have developed over the years. I know I do not need to name names as you know who you are. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for opening up your lives to me. I don't know how I can ever find friendships quite like these. I have been blessed with a steady heart. Despite how difficult this is for me, I have been able to maintain focus and vision. If you know me, you know how huge that is. I have been blessed with wonderful in-laws that are willing to let us invade their home and watch my son full time while we work! I have been blessed. I am not sure there are any better words.

I know I could write more but I hear a little voice that just woke up from his nap. It is absolutely beautiful outside so I think we will venture out. I suggest you do the same!

Much love,
Kirsten

Change in the winds

I've started a new posting every month since December. And do you think I have finished a single one of them? Of course not. I guess that's what happens when you have a walking  running  sprinting toddler. And is he ever fast. He starts at one end of the living room, says "Go!" and tears across at an ungodly pace squealing with delight. Needless to say, I find it difficult to take time to sit down and write. Not sure how you mothers of multiple children find the time to do this on a daily basis! I was reading back on my previous posts and noticed that the posts stopped just about the same time that he started to walk. And it has not slowed down yet! :) But what a beautiful blissful life I get to live.

We have had quite an eventful past few months. We've had 3 plane rides, seen family and friends from California to North Dakota to Montana and Wyoming. We've celebrated and mourned. We had a first birthday. We have had an unusually warm and cold fall and winter. We've had financially difficult times and we have found ourselves overflowing with blessings.

This is the life. This precious, precious thing called life. I am so blessed.

I've decided to make some changes, however. Changes to benefit our precious lives. We only get one and I want to make the most of mine. To fill you in a little, Amaias came down with a severe upper respiratory illness just before Thanksgiving of this past year. It landed him in the ER the weekend before Christmas, (a fever of 104 and strep throat) and tagged along side of him through the entire month of January. He was ill for the entire month of December and January. All we kept hearing from the doctors was that is was viral and we needed to wait it out. He was on an antibiotic for awhile which took the edge of for a week or two but nothing more. We finally had a divine encounter with a phenomenal doctor who directed us to remove a certain amount of dairy from his diet, nix the bottle all together and upped his dosage on the antibiotic. She educated us in a few dietary issues and concerns and thanks to her, we now have a healthy boy again. Praise God! This being said, I'm making some changes. Changes to our lifestyle, changes to our diet and even more, changes to this blog! And I am SO excited.

We are going 100% organic. As simple as this sounds, I know that there will be challenges and higher cost of goods. It is a complete paradigm shift. Some of you may be asking yourselves, "Why?". Here is what I know.  Most of the food we consume is becoming more and more toxic. With the amount of pesticides used on our produce, (read this article), the amount of hormones and antibiotics fed and injected to our livestock and the way they are raised (watch the film Food, Inc.), we have almost been handed a death sentence. Our bodies are aging faster, children are going through puberty at a much earlier age and much quicker pace, the cancer rates are sky rocketing, the economy is struggling which means lower income families and we are struggling to afford quality food resulting in these harmful results. I could go on and on. I really can, which is exactly why I have decided to take this leap.  Obviously this will be a bit challenging and I want to invite you to come along in our journey. I'll do my best to educate my self so that I can, in turn, educate you.

In this blog I am going to do my best to find cheap economical ways to live a fresh life. I will be making most of our detergents and toiletries. We will be growing our own garden. We will compost. We will learn. Most importantly, we will fail in the process but we will learn. I'll be taking pictures as well of any changes we see in ourselves. I will post any and all recipes I find to be must haves.

Oh boy. Now I've gone public. This is a huge step for me. I've been dwelling on this for so long and scared to put it down in "writing" for fear of change. But it is time. I'm so tired of my baby being sick. I'm so tired of this country killing the temples in which we live.

It's time for a change. Holy crap.

To be continued....

The over-due post...

It's been quite awhile since I wrote last or even visited my own blog. And now reading back, I left on quite a sad note. So let's restore happiness and lighthearted conversation...

I've written dozens of posts in my absence. I promise. My only problem? They never make it out of my head and into writing. Laziness? Perhaps. However, I like to think of it from a perfectionist point-of-view. I like to think that there are no perfect words to describe what I see. The words I write in my head are those only I can fathom; only I can understand. By writing them down, words, images and happenings get lost in translation. It's like watching the movie prior to reading the book. One or the other never lives up to your expectations.

So for you avid readers, the one's who read the book first, this one is for you.

Life. It's been a whirlwind lately. A beautiful colorful whirlwind of work, baby laughter, baby steps and crisp cool summer rains.

I was sitting on the floor playing with my baby a couple weeks ago and I realized something that made me both giddy with joy and slightly saddened; Amaias is growing up.

I knew it was bound to happen. I never put a brick on his head or stunted his growth with coffee. I never fed hm that special "keep baby a baby for forever" magic pill. And really, I am so thankful I didn't. You know why? I have been given one of the highest honors of motherhood. I have witnessed some of my favorite "firsts" yet. The first bite of solids, the first scoot around the living room floor on his hands and knees, the first attempt to stand alone, the first few steps and of course, the first face plant. But the most fun has come in learning his definitions for certain objects. Let me enlighten you:


Definition: An informal term for a father; the person who has whiskers that make it difficult to kiss on
Word used: Daddy

Definition: A highly variable domestic mammal (Canis familiaris) closely related to the gray wolf
Word used: Daddy

Definition: A female parent; maternal tenderness or affection
Word used: Daddy

Definition: What provides amusement or enjoyment; a mood for finding or making amusement
Word used: Daddy


Apparently, I have much to learn about the English language. We have made it so complex and far too deep. Why can't the this language solely consist of the word "Daddy"? Daddy, daddy. Dada daddy dad. Daddy daddy daddy da. It might just solve the language barrier; little children might read more often; it would empower the imagination- ignite a flame and open up a whole new world in the eyes of children and adults alike. Just a thought.


Another sweet and tender moment, brought to you today by Amaias. Introducing the whisper. It is heartwarming. He has learned to whisper ever so tenderly the word "this". In a world of wonder and new environments this little life approaches, Kelly and I are infatuated with introducing new objects and new sounds as we quietly say to him, "Amaias, what is this?" And he quietly responds by whispering, "this". I am reminded of this verse when I hear him softly and gently respond to me. "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4. He has such a gentle, quiet spirit. Something that I know I once had but almost daily find myself searching my heart for. I thank God for giving me such a treasure and such a wonderful son to learn from. May we all learn to be quiet once in awhile. Just listen. Absorb. Evaluate. Just be still.


Now, don't let the whispering fool you. If need be, Amaias will gently yet soulfully inform you of his excitement, (or lack there of), in an object. Thank goodness the giraffes at the zoo were not too phased by his squealing...

We began our zoo adventure with none other than the giraffes. I felt like a kid in a candy store while watching Amaias feed them. It was priceless. This kid has no fear.

Some days are like ice cream.

Sweet, refreshing and by golly, one of the finest gifts given or received.

This day was just that.

Notice how tenderly he gives the cracker and how gracefully his fingers flair as he brings his hand back in the last picture. He is gentle. Until he decides to drum. I mean, really drum. On everything...

We are all convinced he will be a drummer some day.

I'll leave you with these last few pictures from our family photo shoot taken by none other than my dear friend, Abby Mortenson. You can check out some of her beautifully unique work here. 

There you have it. The over-due blog. I know I could just keep going but it's been a few days now working on it and I know that if I don't end now, it may turn into a novel instead of a blog post. 

I know I have such a beautiful life. Many lessons learned; many I'm still trying to understand. But thankful nonetheless for each moment I have been blessed with.

Ephesians 3:14-21
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen."

 

Somedays I wish I were a bird...

What a wonderful baby daddy. Meet Hal, Shallow's man bird. He is steady, strong and caring. Every woman's dream.






Over the past few weeks, Kelly, Amaias and I have had the privilege of watching these birds live a life similar to you and I. And it was perfect. The perfect nest snuggled into the most desired location, a tree tucked in the far back corner out of sight and nestled in between a series of branches which held it firmly in place. Shallow sat for days on what I believed to be an egg or two. Very rarely did she leave the nest and when she did, Hal stood watch.

Saturday, after work, Kelly called me to the window and revealed the most amazing sight. Two beautiful baby birds had hatched that morning and their song they sang was wonderful.

 Meet Willow and Grace. Aren't they beauties?









Hal and Shallow both took turns all day long feeding the seemingly bottomless pits. One would stand watch while the other would dig up the worm. Team work. A single parental unit. They worked so well together and it was inspiring.

Today, they were wanting to fly. They were almost ready. Shallow had raised such independent children.

Yesterday, I wanted to be a bird. I wanted to soar on the breeze with my feathered friends and feel the wind beneath my wings pushing me up and pulling me down. I wanted to see what it was like in that nest with three birds. I wanted to hear the conversation between mother and father as they watched in awe over their young children. Yesterday would have been a perfect day.

Today, however, is not one of those days. Today I mourn. I mourn for my dear bird family. Man interfered with natures natural course. The perfect nest in the perfect tree now lays on the ground empty and cold. The tree that once sheltered this family is now gone and my window is quiet. And I mourn.

I went searching next door for my baby birds. We looked everywhere. Sadly, the contractor responsible informed me he had stepped on one and the other fled the scene.

With my baby in my arms, I watched as Hal returned to his missing home with a big fat worm hanging from his beak. He looked frantic. I cried. I did. I can't imagine returning home after a hard days work and finding my entire home and my children gone. Everything you have worked for.

I really don't understand why this hit me so hard. They are birds. I eat turkey in my sandwich almost every day. I mean realistically, I've probably eaten close to 10 whole turkeys in my life and I really could care less! But today. Today has been a rough one.

Tonight, I hold my baby a little tighter; a little longer; thankful that today I am not a bird.

Well Past My Bedtime...

Not much to write tonight. Well, I am sure there is plenty to write. I am just wanting to go to bed but I told myself I'm not allowed to go until I blogged. So here it is. The blog before bed.

I'll leave you with a few thoughts:

1. This television fast is proving to be one of the best things we have done for ourselves. We are talking more and enjoying each others company. Things are getting done around the house. We just feel better all around!! I highly recommend this for every family. Flip the switch!

2. I've officially enrolled in school for the fall. I don't know why I am so nervous but I am. Regardless, I have high hopes of a wonderful academic filled next 8 years of my life!! :)

3. I'm working tomorrow, Saturday. Come visit me at Colorado Coffee Merchants from 8-2!!

4. I am starting to observe that I over use the exclamation mark. I'll refrain from doing so at this point.

And for my final thought, “All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of yesterday”. Plant wisely and prosper.

Goodnight, my dear friends.